Best Quotes from FRIENDS(1994)

Memorable Quotes from "Friends" (1994)
Phoebe: Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.

Ross: I would date her but there is a big age difference. Joey: Well think about it when you're 90... Ross: I know, she'll be 80 and it won't be such a big difference. Joey: No. What I was gonna say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.

Monica: Hey. Where is he, where's Richard? Did you ditch him? Joey: Yeah right after we stole his lunch money and gave him a wedgie. What's the matter with you, he's parking the car.

Phoebe: [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

[Joey comes out from his room wearing ridiculous clothes. He has to look nineteen for an audition] Joey: 'Sup? 'Sup, dude? Chandler: [putting his hands up] Take whatever you want, just please don't hurt me. Joey: So, you're playing a little Playstation, huh? That's whack. Playstation is whack. 'Sup with the whack Playstation, 'sup? Huh? Come on, am I nineteen or what? Chandler: Yes, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely nineteen.

[Monica's been leaving candy for the neighbors outside her door, and they got hooked on it] Chandler: Hey! Pipe down! This woman tried to do a nice thing so she could get to know all of you and I bet not one of you can tell me her name. Neighbor: ...Candy lady? Chandler: Okay, that's it. Go home! You ruined it! Joey: Yeah, you ruined it! You ruined it! [goes inside the apartment, and starts eating the candy] Monica: Thank you. I was really scared for a minute, I mean, somebody slipped a threatening note under the door. Joey: [takes note] Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. Mob mentality...

Ross: [receiving his Christmas gift] You got me a cola drink. Chandler: And a LEMON LIME. Ross: You shouldn't have. I feel like I should get you another sweater. Joey: And last but not least. [Monica receives her gift] Joey: They're RIBBED FOR YOUR PLEASURE.
Chandler: All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.

[pounding a scone] Ross: Stupid British snack food. Chandler: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?

[In response to a stupid comment] Chandler: You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance.

Rachel: Hey, just so you know: it's *not* that common, it *doesn't* "happen to every guy, " and it *is* a big deal! Chandler: [pointing] I *knew* it!

[after Monica gets a disastrous haircut] Ross: How's Monica? Phoebe: She's calmed down a bit. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling. Ross: How's the hair? Phoebe: I'm not gonna lie to you Ross. It doesn't look good. Joey: Can we see her? Phoebe: No, your hair looks too good. I think it would only upset her. Rachel: Oh. Phoebe: Ross, you can go on in.

Monica: Thanksgiving tomorrow four o'clock. [to Rachel] Monica: Guess who I invited? Do you remember that guy Will Cobert from high school? He was in Ross' class marching band. He was kinda overweight... really overweight... I was his thin friend. Rachel: Wow. I don't remember him. Honey, are you sure you're not talking about your imaginary boyfriend? Monica: No that was Jared. Wow. I haven't though about him in a long time.

Monica: Also, just so you know, I'm not making a turkey this year. Joey: What? Monica: Well, Phoebe doesn't eat turkey... Joey: Phoebe. Phoebe: Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals. Joey: No, they're not. They're ugly and stupid and delicious.

Chandler: Oh, yeah, I'm a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last... twelve hundred times.

Rachel: So are things between you and Joey getting any better? Chandler: It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me. Rachel: Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh? Ross: Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office? Rachel: You shouldn't.

Judy Geller: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress. Nora Bing: As I recall, when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress. Charles Bing: But that was after the wedding. It's not bad luck then. Nora Bing: Honey, it isn't good luck.

Rachel: Wha... married? Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married! Rachel: What? Because that's your answer to everything?

Ross: Oh. *Oh*. Thank God, most women don't even feel them. Rachel: Okay, no uterus, no opinion.

Ross: You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*!

Rachel: ...How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine? Dr Long: Three. Ross: Just three? I'm dilated three!

Monica: Can you help me fold these napkins? Phoebe: Sure. Monica: I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams. [Notices the way Pheobe is folding the napkins] Monica: No... no honey... Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember? Phoebe: Yeah. It all came screaming back to me.

Chandler: It's been a while since we've yelled something... Maybe we should... No. Phoebe: What? No. Damn you ref. Burn in hell.

Chandler: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole." Joey: Okay. [He gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave] Chandler: What are you doing? Joey: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions. Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair. Joey: THAT'S RIGHT. I'm taking the ESSENCE. Chandler: Oh-ho, he'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.

Joey: [Joey thinks Phoebe has been acting in porno videos] A guy in the coffee shop told me he was a fan of Phoebe's. I thought he was talking about her singing, but he claims she is a porn star. So, I went to the adult video store and picked this up. Ross: [taking the video] Let me see that. 'Buffay, the Vampire Layer' starring Phoebe Buffay. All right, let's check it out! Joey: Guys, Phoebe is out friend. I refuse to watch this. [goes over and sits at the table with his back to the TV] Ross: Wow! I didn't know Pheebs had that particular talent. Rachel: Wait a minute; Phoebe doesn't have a tattoo on her ankle! My God, that's Ursula! Joey: [jumping up from the table] Ursula! Allr ight! Run it back! Run it back! Ross: Boy, Phoebe is going to be pissed. Why is Ursula using Phoebe's name? Phoebe: [coming in the apartment] Hi everybody, what are you - [screams and points at the TV] Phoebe: Ahhhhhhh! What am I doing?

Phoebe: [Phoebe has been hired to sing in a children's program at the library] Oh, Grandma is a person that everyone likes, / She bought you a toy train and a bright shiny bike, / But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner, / The last time you saw her she looked a lot thinner. Now your parents told you she moved to Peru, / but the truth is she died and someday you will too.

Phoebe: [singing in the children's program at the library] Someday you'll want to sleep with people so they'll like you, / But that's another thing you won't want to do, you won't want to do. Everybody, you won't want to do, you won't want to do. Monica: Excellent! Chandler: Very informative! Rachel: Not at all inappropriate!